Editing Samples

As submitted

Edited

This story was inadequate and incomplete. It is about the Audubon Society's Annual Christmas Bird Count—although the story never says that. Because the story was submitted on deadline day, I did not send it back, but rather did the research myself and added the missing information in the form of a table. While not the best solution, it did provides readers with information completely lacking in the story.

To read the complete story as it was originally submitted, click here (MS Word doc).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did not have time to rewrite the story on deadline, nor was there time to turn the story back to the writer. I did the needed research myself and added the missing information in table form (bottom right of page). Additionally, I designed the page. To download a PDF of this page, click here (1.8 mg)

This story initially was not only poorly written, but also contained a number of factual errors. Additionally, while the suggested headline was funny, it was inappropriate. I sent the story back to the writer.

"Big rubber comes to Payson, will employ 50-60"

Ram Enterprises, Inc., is building a facility in Payson that will employ between 50 and 60 people.

To read the complete story as it was originally submitted, click here (MS Word doc).

The resubmitted story was better written and accurate. Also, the suggested headline was more appropriate.

"Industrial rubber company building Payson facility "

The future home of the Payson branch of Ram Enterprise Inc. is under construction at the corner of Earhart Parkway and Bravo Taxiway in the Payson Industrial Park, just past the airport. The new facility will employ 50 to 60 people.

To read the edited story, click here (MS Word doc).

This is the column as it was sent to me. The columnist actually suggested that you can determine the safety of a Web site by looking at the pictures. Here's the original quote: " See if there are pictures of the owners of the company somewhere on the site. This will help you to make a connection with the store owner. You might also be able to get a sense of the trustworthiness of the seller. "

To read this complete column as it was submitted to me, click here (MS Word doc).

 

This is the column after I edited it. Although still not a great column, it is a significant improvement.

Risk of shopping in cyberspace can be minimized

In this age of fraud and less-than-ethical business practices, it is no wonder that we may feel a little insecure about buying online. With identity theft on the rise, who wants to put personal information out there for the whole world to see?

To read the edited version, click here (MS Word doc).

This particular story was given back to the writer three times before I accepted it as something I could work with.

It began:
"The doors are open," says MECA manager Kirk Alexander. "We're open for business...and really putting technology in the classroom. Not just putting syllabuses on the web, but tackling using the technology to do new things." And doing new things is what MECA, the Multimedia Engineering Computation Atelier, has always been about."

To read this complete unedited story, click here. (PDF)

This is the edited version of the story. It was painful getting here, but I do not accept substandard writing. I received an APEX 2000 Award for Publication Excellence for this rewriting effort.

The rewrite begins:
Before Gutenberg and the printing press made modern textbooks possible, teaching took place through lectures and Socratic dialog between teacher and student. Printed materials didn't eliminate that dialog, or the need for lectures, but they did revolutionize teaching.
In Princeton's classrooms, another revolution is taking place. Some professors are redefining how they teach by using new computer applications developed by a team of programmers in the School of Engineering and Applied Science.

To read the complete edited story, click here. (PDF)

When this story was turned in, it lacked transitions and bounced from subject to subject and back again.

It began:
“Whole food. Good food. Fresh food.” Molly Beverly, head chef and director of Prescott College’s new café, is emphatic on this point. Beverly does not want to serve food that is processed or trucked in from thousands of miles away. She wants to serve as much organic, locally grown food as possible.

To read this complete unedited story, click here. (MS Word)

 

The edited story is logically organized with transitions and complete sentences.

It begins:
Molly Beverly was attending a Prescott College reading by Gary Paul Nabham, author of Coming Home to Eat, when the idea for Crossroads Café blossomed.
“You can’t be an environmental college without serving food that is healthy and organic. The college needed to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. And that included food,” she said.

To read this complete edited story, click here. (MS Word)

I decided this internal memo could be great community relations effort with a little work.

The original memo began:
As demonstrated by its #31 ranking in US News and World Report, Prescott College is among one of the best and most recognized liberal arts colleges in the nation and western region.  As a private, non-profit college, it serves students and the community without direct funding from federal, state, or local government relying upon student tuition, other operating income, and charitable contributions to meet its mission.  Through its economic position and various academic and non-academic programs, Prescott College provides numerous social and economic benefits to the local community.

To read this complete unedited memo, click here. (MS Word)

The edited version resulted in the College being featured on the cover of the business section of The Daily Courier.

It begins:
Prescott College provides clear, tangible benefits to the Prescott economy. In total, the annual direct economic contribution of Prescott College to the local economy is estimated at more than $17.1 million, and the annual indirect economic contribution is estimated at more than $51.4 million, said Steven Corey, chief operating officer and chief financial officer at Prescott College.

To read this complete edited story, click here. (MS Word)